Monthly Archives: November 2013

Wine Jokes

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Answer: Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

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A man got 2 wishes from god. He asked for the best wine and best woman.

Next moment, he had the best wine and Mother Theresa next to him.

Moral: Be Specific.

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I was at a tasting last week when I noticed a funeral procession approaching. The man next to me put down his glass, closed his eyes, put his hand on his chest and bowed his head.

After the cortege had passed I asked if he knew the deceased.
“Know her? We were married for 20 years.”

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Did you hear that the latest blend of pinot blanc, pinot noir and pinot gris causes kidney failure?

They call it pinot more.

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A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.
— “Much obliged,” said he, pushing the plate aside; “I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills.”

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“What do you take to fight insomnia?
“A good glass of wine.”
“Does it work?”
“No, but it keeps me happy while I wait to fall asleep.”

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Sally was driving home from a trip in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. She thanked her and got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. She asked her what was in the bag.

Sally said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”

The woman thought for a moment, then said, “Good trade.”

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A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

Her husband asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”

She replies, “It’s me…talking to the wine.”

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What did the grape do when the elephant stepped on it?
…Nothing – it just gave a little whine.

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Men are like a fine grape:
— They are best kept in the dark.
— They can’t handle too much heat.
— They perform best when they are stepped on.

Women are like the wine that comes from the grape:
— They are sweet, vigorous, and full-bodied when they are young.
— They don’t age well without preservatives.
— They become sour and vinegary if they remain bottled up.

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“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Syrah”
“Syrah who?”
“Syrah doctor in the house?”

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“Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”

Frankenstein Bread

Today I made a fresh loaf of dread using dried yeast and had some dough left over. I also had a sourdough that had been proving overnight and was a sponge. It was a bit on the small side, so I decided to combine the two. I knocked out the sourdough sponge and the melded both together. I did not mix them, but rather introduced them to each other.
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The next step was the complex one. The sourdough needed 12 to prove and the regular dough only 2 hours. In the end I proved it for going for 8 hours. It proved well. Next step was to bake it. This was also an issue. Partly because the sourdough also included a good measure of olive oil. All was looking good, but in very short time the crust burnt slightly because it was made up of the sourdough. I managed to catch it before it was a complete write off.
I let it rest for an hour and then it was ‘taste test’ time. It tasted great once I cut off the burnt crust. I will try this idea again but next time have the wholemeal sourdough in the centre of the loaf.
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By Richard Randall

Low Winter Sun DVD – I won it :-)

Our loverly post lady delivered a nice surprise this morning. A DVD of Low Winter Sun staring Mark Strong and Lennie James. Best of all I did not need to buy it, because I won it. Happy Days.  We will get around to watching it next week, and then it will go into the box with other prizes I’ve won (and will win, fingers crossed) and will then be donated to the Stray Aid shop in Easington Colliery.
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Total prize value to date: £40 (from 1st September 2013).